Your Touch So Foreign
by anastasiaxxo
Summary: Aria finds out she may want something she can never have. Pretty Little Liars, gonna be multi-chapter
1. Chapter 1

I hugged my arms tight across my body as I walked. The sound of crickets filled my ears, and I tried to block it out, having always found it eerie. I tried to focus on the slight breeze that blew my hair back, on the sound of my bare feet on the sidewalk, even on the rise and fall of my chest as I took each carefully measured breath. I was trying so hard not to scream. I could almost feel it piercing the darkness, the echo ricocheting all around me as if I really had. Maybe it would loosen the knot that had tied itself around my stomach, pulling tighter and starving me of air every time I was contacted by A, or saw anything that reminded me of Ali's death and the events that followed. Were still following.

I looked down the street, at the outline of houses and garages and cars. Every moving shadow made my heart lurch, and I fleetingly thought of turning around and running home. But that was the last place I wanted to be. Mike had come home late again, and again refused to tell me where he was. He was also lying to our parents and had broken into my friends houses. Not to mention throwing me into a table when I saw him at Spencer's, and trying to throw a rock through Jason DiLaurentis's window. I couldn't stand to look at him when he met my gaze with such anger and defiance, and had just walked out the door after our argument. And I would keep walking until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I tried not to worry about Mike, but that look on his face was burned in my mind, gnawing at me. How could I be such a bad sister to not even notice this was happening to him? He wasn't even my brother anymore. He was a stranger.

" Aria?"

His voice made me snap out of my thoughts, and I realized as I turned my head that it was Jason's. I had already made it to his house, even though I had been walking blindly.

" Hey." I replied, watching as he strolled down the driveway toward me.

" What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"

I noticed his eyes take in my short tank top and yoga pants, and my bare feet. I felt a blush creep up my neck, uncomfortable at him checking me out.

" Just taking a walk." I said, crossing my arms in front of me.

He stepped close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off his body.

" Are you trying to end up like Alison?"

I gaped at him, at his gaze intensifying to match the hard edge in his voice.

" I-"

But he cut me off.

" You know better."

His voice softened, but I avoided looking up into his eyes.

" I'll walk you home."

" No." I blurted out.

I met his eyes, explaining myself.

" Not that I don't want your protection, I just don't want to go back there."

He nodded like he understood.

" Come inside then."

The knot around my stomach pulled tighter, but I had no chance to argue. He had already turned around and started walking. I followed him in the door, noticing the house was clean but dimly lit, and there were no pictures or any personal things anywhere. I followed him down the hall into the kitchen.

" I'll be right back," He turned and told me. " You can get something to drink."

When he left I opened the fridge, seeing bottles of pop, water, and alcohol. I got a sick feeling in my stomach from looking at it, remembering how Jason said he got angry when he drank. I didn't feel comfortable taking anything and closed the fridge. Then I sat down in a bar stool at the kitchen island.

Jason came back in the room, looking no different than when he'd left. If only that he seemed slightly uncomfortable at me being here.

" So," He started, standing on the other side of the island, " What happened at home?"

" Just another fight with Mike. He wouldn't tell me where he'd been, and I just got angry and left."

" When I got angry I never took walks. I drank."

I watched as he pulled a bottle of whiskey and a coke from the fridge. He set it on the counter, and then turned around to grab two glasses from the cabinet.

" No thanks." I said, frightened by the thought of drinking with Jason.

" Relax." He told me, mixing the two drinks and setting a full glass in front of me. " We're not getting drunk."

I sighed, lifting my hand from under the table and grabbing the glass. Jason watched me as I lifted it to my mouth and took a sip. I'd had whiskey before, and was pleased that I could barely taste the burn, the soda diluting it.

We drank in silence for a while, and I was surprised when my glass was already empty. I set it on the table, and he took it from me, immediately filling it up again. I knew it would take about four glasses before I actually got drunk, so I didn't mind.

" Thanks." I said, taking it back and drinking almost the whole thing before setting it back down again.

" Better?" He asked me.

My stomach felt warm, and I was completely relaxed for the first time in a while.

" Yeah." I found myself smiling at him.

" Good. Can I take you home now?" He walked over to stand beside me.

" I guess." I said, sliding off the chair. Too my surprise, I stumbled and Jason caught me, his hands on my waist, and mine on his shoulders.

" You're not very good at holding your alcohol." He said with a smile.

But I didn't reply, the shock of him touching me too much. I suppose I could've moved my hands but I didn't, and so he leaned into me. I felt his heat again, and I could also smell his musky cologne and a bit of Jack Daniel's. I don't know why, but I didn't move, letting his mouth collide with mine. He pushed softly against my lips, and I knew in the back of my mind I should be ashamed, but his kiss felt too good. After my surprise wore of I responded, pressing my body against his. The guilty feeling grew, and as I took a breath the kiss deepened. But it was too much. I knew this had gone way too far. As his tongue brushed my lips I pushed him away, our moment broken.

I didn't know at the time, but outside a figure in a black sweatshirt walked towards the trees at the back of the property, their camera full of pictures.


	2. Chapter 2

_ I'm sorry to those of you who were waiting on this story! I kind of totally had writer's block for like, a million years, and hopefully it's over now! I hope I can also continue my other stories, but anyway, I hope this isn't completely terrible, but if you have any ideas about how to improve it please let me know! If you like it, please review! Again, I'm so sorry! Oh, and, sorry I write such short chapters! I will try to do better! Promise!_

* * *

><p>I don't remember a time when I'd ever felt so lost. Not even when Ali went missing, when I found out my dad's secret, or after everything I'd gone through with Ezra. Those things might have come close, but they were nothing compared to this.<p>

Nothing compared to Jason.

Nothing like how I felt when he looked at me, when he talked to me, touched me...kissed me. When I opened my eyes the next morning the experiences of all those things came rushing back, my head aching from the pressure of so many thoughts. The memory of how I ran away still fresh even though it felt like I'd lived a lifetime since then.

I finally wrenched myself from the safety of my bed, showering (which didn't help wash away any of the guilt I felt- at Ezra and for some reason Alison- like I'd hoped it would) and dressed in the first comfortable outfit I saw in my closet. I tried to pretend like it was just another normal day. That I was still my "version" of normal. That I _hadn't _shoved my phone in a drawer because I was afraid of who would call. And that I _wasn't _thinking about Jason every time I blinked. Nope. Never.

Downstairs my brother was eating breakfast, and shot me a cold look as I sat down beside him. I noticed how all my anger at him had dissipated, and that he wasn't the _little_ in little brother anymore, which was given away by the hairs I saw forming under his chin. He could make his own choices. His conscience would keep him from falling too far into the hole he was digging for himself. He could find his way back if he ever got lost.

Like Jason. Like me. Though I was still too lost to turn back and wondered if maybe it was just too late for me. I didn't see myself forgetting about Jason anytime soon-especially with him invading my dreams day and night.

_ Enough of that. _I told myself as his image flew into my mind for the hundredth time. I pushed it away as I stood, breaking Mike's number one rule. Hugging. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling him stiffen before softening into me.

" I'm sorry." I said.

A sigh and an eternity.

" Me too." He told me.

I wished then that all the apologies I had to make today would be that easy.

* * *

><p>He was silent after the words came out. My apology, minus the information about why, came out in a rush. I was breathing in, and as soon as I exhaled, it was done. I hung up, hearing my voice whispering in my head.<p>

_I'm sorry. I can't be the one you put your future on the line for. You've got the wrong girl. I wish I loved you little enough to let myself be selfish, but I don't and I can't. I wish I was worth you.. Somehow, she will love you more than I could. God, I hope you can forgive me. Goodbye._

_**Click.**_

Maybe the words were stupid, maybe I was stupid. But this was about more than a kiss. This was about me forgetting how to be by myself, to not belong to anybody. To not have to lie and pretend about _everything. _I still cried when I ended the call. No matter how much I needed to figure things out, it still hurt. I was still petrified that I'd made the wrong decision, but bleary eyed or not, I could see that we couldn't have lasted much longer. It's a strange thing, just knowing- but I did. I was ready to stop acting without thinking and letting my heart rule over the head I hadn't used in a very long time. It was time to grow up. Time to figure out what it was like to be me. Time to talk to Jason.

* * *

><p>All the strength I felt was gone by the time I was standing at Jason's door. I lifted my hand to ring the doorbell, but stopped with about a centimeter to go. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I clenched my eyes shut and pressed the little round bump. I really wished I didn't hear it as it echoed, or heard Jason's even footsteps as he walked down the hall towards me.<p>

He opened the door. " Aria," I couldn't meet his eyes, " I called you like ten times."

I nodded, lifting my head. " I know."

A pause as heavy as smoke filled the air.

" I'm sorry." We both said at the same time.

I took a staggering breath as he went on.

" No, don't be. I took advantage of you, let my emotions get the best of me, I'm the sorry one."

I forced myself to look into his eyes, trying not to notice how dark they were right then, green and blue and gray and-

" I don't, you didn't-" I took a second to find the right words. When I spoke again my voice was a lot softer. " I don't want you to be sorry, because that means you regret it happening, and I, I don't."

He smiled, and I felt dizzy for a moment.

" Really," He kept grinning while running a hand through his hair. " That's, well, great. I've wanted to do that for forever."

It felt like a butterfly was trapped in my chest as I tried to contain my smile. I had to remind myself that I wanted to be alone for a while. Maybe it wasn't what I wanted deep down, but it was what I needed.

" Um, but, right now just isn't a good time."

I watched his smile falter and come to rest in an expressionless line.

" I wish things were less complicated, but right now I just need a really good friend..."

I trailed off and his expression softened.

" I could do that. Definitely. Friends it is."

" Oh, well, okay. Great."

I tried to smile, but found myself freezing when he stepped forward. I looked past him when his hand brushed my arm. I held my breath as his lips pressed against my forehead. My legs weakened when they stayed there, much longer than they should have for _friends._

He took a step back and I hoped he couldn't see the blush I felt staining my face. He smiled again and I swore it was probably because he did

" Well, I'll see you at dinner tomorrow then. Your mom invited me."

I stood there with my jaw hanging slightly open, as he went back inside and shut the door behind him.

Of course I'd forgotten about the dinner. And, I realized with a sinking feeling, who all was invited.

Ezra.


	3. Chapter 3

Seven O'clock rolled around way too quickly. It wasn't long after I was dressed and helping my mother get ready for the dinner party that she banished me to the stairs to wait for the guests to arrive. In truth I was way too nervous, and couldn't hold on to any of the wine glasses she told me to carry for that reason. "Go." She said smiling anyhow. "Greet the guests," she reached up to hold my face in her hands for a moment. "And for God's sake smile a little!" The corner of my mouth twitched up a little at her request and the motherly tone she had used to make it. So, as much as I hated to do it, I went to sit on the steps, staring at the door with fear while a knot tied and untied itself over and over again in my stomach. I hoped for the sake of my shaking hands it would be neither Ezra of Jason to arrive first.

It wasn't, thankfully. Most of my parent's friends were inside and chatting away when my luck ran out and I found the all too familiar bright blue eyes and dark, slightly tousled hair that belonged to Ezra standing on the porch. My mouth went dry instantly, his appearance tugging at a heartstring I had forgotten it to pull. "Aria," He said, his face and tone expressionless. I opened the door wider and stepped back for him to come inside, and when he did a cheery bouquet entered my hand. A whisper of "We need to talk," filled my ears before he walked to my parents with a look over his shoulder at me. I forced out a breath and without too much pause another chime of the doorbell rang out.

"You look great." Jason said with a genuine smile when he saw me.

"Thanks, so do you."

"Doubtful," he said stepping through the door. "This has been shoved in my closet since…" He frowned when he realized he had worn it not too long ago, at his sister's funeral. I looked down at the floor before meeting his eyes again.

"Well it's a good look for you."

He smiled, probably thankful I had ignored the unfinished comment. He was about to hand me another bouquet of flowers when I noticed I still hadn't put Ezra's down. I shifted it to one hand and took the other awkwardly. I kicked the door closed as he too made his way into the living room. I sighed, already exhausted for no reason, realizing I still had to find two vases and fill them with water before I could get rid of the equally heavy and uncomfortable burdens in my hands.

* * *

><p>I was purposefully avoiding the chit-chat going on in the next room as I stood in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop. I had the urge to check my phone, as most people do, but I remembered I had left it in my room, deciding I wouldn't be bothered with '-A' even if it meant missing a message from my best friends. With nothing else to occupy myself with I concluded it would be best just to face everyone now, so I wouldn't have to risk the embarrassment of my mother calling me rude. They were deep in some conversation when I joined all of the guests in the living room. It seemed to be mainly between my father and Ezra, who noticed me come in, but the others would chime in at certain points. With no other empty place I stood beside Jason against the wall. I noticed his silence and the almost empty glass in his hand, speaking quietly to him with a small turn of my head.<p>

"Uncomfortable?" I asked.

"A bit." He said sarcastically. His tone was serious when he muttered," I have nothing to say to anything they're talking about. I barely even _know_ what they're talking about."

"You mean you have absolutely no opinion on the new health care plan?" I widened my eyes in faux surprise.

"Oh yeah, I mean, I'm just downright furious." He met my eyes as I laughed lightly at his sarcasm.

"As you should be." I finally tore away from his gaze and looked around the room.

"So, you and Mike okay?" He motioned to the doorway where my brother stood, looking a little agitated and a lot bored. I was just happy he was here.

"Yeah actually, I hope it was just a phase."

"Well if you ever need my help, I have had my fair share of phases."

"Thanks. I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad that he didn't choose the pink hair one."

I twirled a strand of hair around my finger and Jason laughed.

"Probably a little of both." His smile remained and so did mine. I didn't notice I was staring at him until my mom touched my arm.

"I thought, since it was a special occasion, you could have some wine." She handed me the glass before returning to my father's side.

I stared down into it and made a face.

"Wine is terrible."

"Of course. Your tastes are just way more refined."

I laughed thinking about the whiskey and Coke.

"Shut up."

* * *

><p>"Aria, will you make sure the tables ready?"<p>

"I'll help." I turned to see Ezra stand up, and my parents thanked him. At least they weren't suspicious.

He caught up with me in the kitchen.

"What the hell was that call about?" His eyes bore into mine and I had to look away.

"I just want to be alone for a while."

"Why?"

"Does there really have to be a reason?" I sucked in a breath. "It's too risky, Ezra. Someone was going to find out."

"Not until we wanted them to."

"No, Ezra. Someone could tell anytime they wanted to."

"Your friends wouldn't do that."

"I'm not talking about my friends. I'm talking about A, and Jackie."

He was silent. I grabbed another bottle of wine to put on the table, and the pitcher of water for me and Mike.

"Until she backs off and A is gone, I can't do this."

I heard him sigh as I walked away, and when I looked back, he was staring out of the kitchen window, his hands gripping the sink.

* * *

><p>Okay, so I'm betting you have lost all hope in me after reading this chapter or even this fic. I assure you, it will get better. If you've read the whole thing I adore you, and hope you review so I don't stop the story altogether. Plus, I need your input. I was thinking of including a fight in the next chapter, so tell me if I should. You can always tell me other ideas as well, I'd be happy to include them! Again if you're reading this story, I LOVE YOU. And if you review it...I'll love you even more and include some smutty goodness! So review! please? (:<p> 


End file.
